My last post was pretty much an outpouring of emotion. So, I've decided to try my best to dedicate the next few posts to chronicle just how much (and how quickly) Jake is growing. I know I've got friends down south as well as family that reads my blog (thanks Katie for letting me know Katie!) and waits for new pictures and video. Joe thinks it's a little corny to post 4 minute videos of the baby doing nothing more than crawling around, but I know better. I know that Nana Isabel and Auntie Val love watching those little moments that I get to see every day. So, I'm going to post a couple of videos that I took just this evening. Jake gets his bath and bottle around 6:30 and after that he gets a big burst of energy right before bed. This is him crawling around, pulling up on his toy basket, trying to get the dogs toys and just basically exploring. I tried my best to get him to make some of his noises and wave at the camera, but he wouldn't do any of it. Until I shut off the camera (of course).
ENJOY!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Growing Pains
They tell you the whole time you're pregnant, "Just wait...your baby will be toddling around before you know it." And you think to yourself, "If I can just get to a point when I'm not pregnant, that would make me deliriously happy." Then you blink and your little baby you worked so hard to grow and push out is standing up, banging on the coffee table and drooling enough to rival Niagra Falls. What "they" neglect to tell you is how hard it is to watch your child grow and gain independence before your very eyes.
We've been very blessed with an incredibly happy baby. My co-worker tells me it's because he has happy parents. :) I'll accept that. But, mostly I think it's due to Joe's easy-going nature that Jacob has inherited. It's incredibly easy to get a smile out of this boy and it just makes your day to hear him laugh.
But, I'm learning a few things about myself while he's learning all the things his fingers, hands, and toes can do. I'm learning that parenting is the most under-appreciated, selfless life that one can live. And I had no idea everything that meant until becoming one myself. The minute I laid eyes on my Jacob the whole world tilted in a new direction. All of my previous priorities were re-aligned in comparison to his needs.
About a week ago we had a rough patch. More acurately....about a week ago the rough patch ended and it's taken me a week to gain my strength to get back to my blog. For about 2 weeks straight the baby just cried. He would cry during the day with grandma, he would cry in the afternoon when I got home, he even started waking up during the night (something he hasn't done in more than 2 months) to cry. This is obviously an exaggeration, but to me, it seemed like all I ever heard was my baby crying. It could have been him teething (though, we've still got a toothless grin looking at us), or it could've been any number of things. All I know is that nothing made him happy. He cried when you tried to put him to sleep, he cried when you picked him up, he cried when you put him down to play, he cried if you didn't pick him up. He was not the happy baby I had known for 8 1/2 months. And I felt completely helpless. He was fed, he had a clean diaper, he had teething medicine in, he had a pacifier....everything I could do to make him comfortable and happy I had done. Yet, he still cried and cried. And so I cried. And cried.
I felt that as his parent and caregiver, I should be able to make him happy. I felt like because he was crying, I was somehow failing as his mother. I read websites and talked to my mom and there were really no answers out there. We'd tried everything. One day, I got home from work and he was happy to see me for about 10 minutes and then the crying started. We fed him, we diapered him, we bathed him, we took him outside (which works almost every single time because he absolutely loves being outside) and nothing was working. I sat on our balcony in the rocking chair while he cried uncontrollably and tried my hardest not to cry. I tried to calm myself down (babies always pick up on your energy/attitude) and just help him relax and rock back and forth. Nope. He was not having it. My mom came out and got him to give me a break and I just sat out there and cried. I listened to him crying and realized that this is the one thing that no one tells you about parenting. The absolute heartbreak you feel to see your child hurt, upset, unhappy. How often had my mom done the same thing? Walked with me as an infant, rocked with me and cried herself because I couldn't be soothed?
Part of our tears are borne of frustration, sure, but a lot of them are from the sheer desire to make everything better. At that very second I felt the deepest respect for parents out there that just stick with it; that love their child unconditionally and cry their own silent tears of frustration and helplessness. Parenting is truly a work of love. A continual process of evolution, of growth. Every day as your child grows and learns new things, you see a new side of yourself, realize some new thing and encounter an aspect of your personality you didn't know you had.
For me, I realized that I felt the need to control everything. My inability to soothe Jacob forced me to realize that there are some things I cannot fix. No matter how much effort I put in to fix it. But, you know what? It's OK. It's good for me to learn to let go. And I'm thankful that having a child has helped me grow as a person.
When you were little you always thought of adults as having it all together. They went to work and earned money and payed bills; all the things that only adults did. Now I'm realizing that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you're done growing. There are always more things to learn and more ways to grow.
My prayer is that I grow into the person God wants me to be and the person that my child can always look up to as an example. Growing pains may come, but I look to the future and the person I'm becoming.
We've been very blessed with an incredibly happy baby. My co-worker tells me it's because he has happy parents. :) I'll accept that. But, mostly I think it's due to Joe's easy-going nature that Jacob has inherited. It's incredibly easy to get a smile out of this boy and it just makes your day to hear him laugh.
But, I'm learning a few things about myself while he's learning all the things his fingers, hands, and toes can do. I'm learning that parenting is the most under-appreciated, selfless life that one can live. And I had no idea everything that meant until becoming one myself. The minute I laid eyes on my Jacob the whole world tilted in a new direction. All of my previous priorities were re-aligned in comparison to his needs.
About a week ago we had a rough patch. More acurately....about a week ago the rough patch ended and it's taken me a week to gain my strength to get back to my blog. For about 2 weeks straight the baby just cried. He would cry during the day with grandma, he would cry in the afternoon when I got home, he even started waking up during the night (something he hasn't done in more than 2 months) to cry. This is obviously an exaggeration, but to me, it seemed like all I ever heard was my baby crying. It could have been him teething (though, we've still got a toothless grin looking at us), or it could've been any number of things. All I know is that nothing made him happy. He cried when you tried to put him to sleep, he cried when you picked him up, he cried when you put him down to play, he cried if you didn't pick him up. He was not the happy baby I had known for 8 1/2 months. And I felt completely helpless. He was fed, he had a clean diaper, he had teething medicine in, he had a pacifier....everything I could do to make him comfortable and happy I had done. Yet, he still cried and cried. And so I cried. And cried.
I felt that as his parent and caregiver, I should be able to make him happy. I felt like because he was crying, I was somehow failing as his mother. I read websites and talked to my mom and there were really no answers out there. We'd tried everything. One day, I got home from work and he was happy to see me for about 10 minutes and then the crying started. We fed him, we diapered him, we bathed him, we took him outside (which works almost every single time because he absolutely loves being outside) and nothing was working. I sat on our balcony in the rocking chair while he cried uncontrollably and tried my hardest not to cry. I tried to calm myself down (babies always pick up on your energy/attitude) and just help him relax and rock back and forth. Nope. He was not having it. My mom came out and got him to give me a break and I just sat out there and cried. I listened to him crying and realized that this is the one thing that no one tells you about parenting. The absolute heartbreak you feel to see your child hurt, upset, unhappy. How often had my mom done the same thing? Walked with me as an infant, rocked with me and cried herself because I couldn't be soothed?
Part of our tears are borne of frustration, sure, but a lot of them are from the sheer desire to make everything better. At that very second I felt the deepest respect for parents out there that just stick with it; that love their child unconditionally and cry their own silent tears of frustration and helplessness. Parenting is truly a work of love. A continual process of evolution, of growth. Every day as your child grows and learns new things, you see a new side of yourself, realize some new thing and encounter an aspect of your personality you didn't know you had.
For me, I realized that I felt the need to control everything. My inability to soothe Jacob forced me to realize that there are some things I cannot fix. No matter how much effort I put in to fix it. But, you know what? It's OK. It's good for me to learn to let go. And I'm thankful that having a child has helped me grow as a person.
When you were little you always thought of adults as having it all together. They went to work and earned money and payed bills; all the things that only adults did. Now I'm realizing that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you're done growing. There are always more things to learn and more ways to grow.
My prayer is that I grow into the person God wants me to be and the person that my child can always look up to as an example. Growing pains may come, but I look to the future and the person I'm becoming.
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