The List

Lately I've felt frustrated. I think the new-baby exhaustion has finally worn off . I'm back to work and I've developed a routine. But, now all of those things that got pushed to the back burner during the pre-baby-trying-to-get-the-house-ready-for-a-new-baby frenzy and the post-baby-never-getting-more-than-two-hours-of-sleep-at-a-time haze are starting to work their way to the front of my mind. 

And I've found myself complaining about them. 

Complaining to my husband. 
Complaining to myself. 

But, mostly I just find myself in that state of complaint and frustration. The past two nights I've had a hard time falling asleep. Things have been running through my mind and I can't clear it. So many things around the house that I want to get done that just bug me. Then I started to think of how I was feeling and, more importantly, how I was letting that dictate how I was acting. Frustration slowly seeping out toward people and situations that have nothing to do with my own frustrations. And I thought, "Oh my gosh. I'm becoming a nag!" *sigh* I had been nagging about the closet, nagging about this box and that pile.

Nag. Nag. Nag. 

So while lying in bed trying to shut my brain off so I could sleep....I made a list. I entitled it "Things I want to do around the house." (Nothing like getting right to the point) I decided I would make it a list of even the smallest details so I could feel like I was accomplishing something even if it was little by little. For instance, we have lots of paperwork from taxes and health benefits and baby stuff that is basically in a box somewhere. Or in boxes in a couple of places :) So, on my list, instead of just writing "organize paperwork," I wrote "Buy hanging file drawers for paperwork" then the next line "organize paperwork" and "put in drawers." Instead of it being a huge undertaking: going out and finding the right organizational contraption, the right folders, coming home and going through the papers, cleaning out what we don't need, sorting, etc. and finally getting it all put away - it's one small task at a time. Starting with having a place to put those papers once I have the time to go through them.

Well, I crossed one thing off my list - purchasing the organizational contraption :) And it's done. Crossed off the list. Out of my mind. One small thing that I can't complain about anymore. 


My pastor preached a few weeks ago and said there were just 3 small points he wanted us to take away from the message. One that really stuck with me was "Don't make excuses, make a change." It stuck with me, but I wasn't living it. I was allowing my frustrations to build and dictate how I was interacting with those around me. I was making excuses "I work full time, I come home and take care of the baby, dinner, laundry, etc." instead of making a change in myself. You always hear the saying, "If something bothers you, change it." Well, instead of changing it, I allowed it to change me. 
Well, I'm done making excuses. I'm ready to start making changes. Maybe this may seem like a dramatic reaction to housework that needs to be done, but living for Christ and being a Christian isn't just when you go to church. It's every single day. It's the decisions that we make and how we interact with those around us. It's keeping your house clean. :)
It felt really good to run some boxes down to the dumpster today after I went through stuff in our storage closet outside. 
Then, I crossed that off the list.