Foodies everywhere

REJOICE!
The day has come to check out my new venture with two of my best friends! :) We started a blog about FOOD!! More specifically, about recipes for food. Recipes that busy moms can use. I have yet to add a recipe because I've been going non-stop the past few days and haven't really cooked. (Unless you count turning on my oven to warm up some pre-cooked dishes) But, Katie & Michelle have me beat by 2 recipes each. They will make you drool. So, for all that follow this blog...check out my other blog I'm co-conspirator on. If nothing else, it will make you drool. Be sure and check it out.
Until then, here are a few recent pics of my little man : 

Jacob sitting in an old-time fire engine

These two are trouble

Dad & Jake

 

In the works...

In addition to this blog, my friend, Katie, and I have decided to start a food blog. Who doesn't love food?! It's definitely a work in progress, but our goal is to start a collection of recipes we like and want to share with other busy moms (or busy people in general) and get recipes those busy bees want to share with us! :) We'll post pics and steps and maybe even messy face pictures (babies only!) haha So, although it's still in the works, please bookmark it and check back for posts. I believe Katie has already been cooking....

New Blog

The List

Lately I've felt frustrated. I think the new-baby exhaustion has finally worn off . I'm back to work and I've developed a routine. But, now all of those things that got pushed to the back burner during the pre-baby-trying-to-get-the-house-ready-for-a-new-baby frenzy and the post-baby-never-getting-more-than-two-hours-of-sleep-at-a-time haze are starting to work their way to the front of my mind. 

And I've found myself complaining about them. 

Complaining to my husband. 
Complaining to myself. 

But, mostly I just find myself in that state of complaint and frustration. The past two nights I've had a hard time falling asleep. Things have been running through my mind and I can't clear it. So many things around the house that I want to get done that just bug me. Then I started to think of how I was feeling and, more importantly, how I was letting that dictate how I was acting. Frustration slowly seeping out toward people and situations that have nothing to do with my own frustrations. And I thought, "Oh my gosh. I'm becoming a nag!" *sigh* I had been nagging about the closet, nagging about this box and that pile.

Nag. Nag. Nag. 

So while lying in bed trying to shut my brain off so I could sleep....I made a list. I entitled it "Things I want to do around the house." (Nothing like getting right to the point) I decided I would make it a list of even the smallest details so I could feel like I was accomplishing something even if it was little by little. For instance, we have lots of paperwork from taxes and health benefits and baby stuff that is basically in a box somewhere. Or in boxes in a couple of places :) So, on my list, instead of just writing "organize paperwork," I wrote "Buy hanging file drawers for paperwork" then the next line "organize paperwork" and "put in drawers." Instead of it being a huge undertaking: going out and finding the right organizational contraption, the right folders, coming home and going through the papers, cleaning out what we don't need, sorting, etc. and finally getting it all put away - it's one small task at a time. Starting with having a place to put those papers once I have the time to go through them.

Well, I crossed one thing off my list - purchasing the organizational contraption :) And it's done. Crossed off the list. Out of my mind. One small thing that I can't complain about anymore. 


My pastor preached a few weeks ago and said there were just 3 small points he wanted us to take away from the message. One that really stuck with me was "Don't make excuses, make a change." It stuck with me, but I wasn't living it. I was allowing my frustrations to build and dictate how I was interacting with those around me. I was making excuses "I work full time, I come home and take care of the baby, dinner, laundry, etc." instead of making a change in myself. You always hear the saying, "If something bothers you, change it." Well, instead of changing it, I allowed it to change me. 
Well, I'm done making excuses. I'm ready to start making changes. Maybe this may seem like a dramatic reaction to housework that needs to be done, but living for Christ and being a Christian isn't just when you go to church. It's every single day. It's the decisions that we make and how we interact with those around us. It's keeping your house clean. :)
It felt really good to run some boxes down to the dumpster today after I went through stuff in our storage closet outside. 
Then, I crossed that off the list.

Getting Big...

My last post was pretty much an outpouring of emotion. So, I've decided to try my best to dedicate the next few posts to chronicle just how much (and how quickly) Jake is growing. I know I've got friends down south as well as family that reads my blog (thanks Katie for letting me know Katie!) and waits for new pictures and video. Joe thinks it's a little corny to post 4 minute videos of the baby doing nothing more than crawling around, but I know better. I know that Nana Isabel and Auntie Val love watching those little moments that I get to see every day. So, I'm going to post a couple of videos that I took just this evening. Jake gets his bath and bottle around 6:30 and after that he gets a big burst of energy right before bed. This is him crawling around, pulling up on his toy basket, trying to get the dogs toys and just basically exploring. I tried my best to get him to make some of his noises and wave at the camera, but he wouldn't do any of it. Until I shut off the camera (of course).
ENJOY!

Growing Pains

They tell you the whole time you're pregnant, "Just wait...your baby will be toddling around before you know it." And you think to yourself, "If I can just get to a point when I'm not pregnant, that would make me deliriously happy." Then you blink and your little baby you worked so hard to grow and push out is standing up, banging on the coffee table and drooling enough to rival Niagra Falls. What "they" neglect to tell you is how hard it is to watch your child grow and gain independence before your very eyes.
We've been very blessed with an incredibly happy baby. My co-worker tells me it's because he has happy parents. :) I'll accept that. But, mostly I think it's due to Joe's easy-going nature that Jacob has inherited. It's incredibly easy to get a smile out of this boy and it just makes your day to hear him laugh.
But, I'm learning a few things about myself while he's learning all the things his fingers, hands, and toes can do. I'm learning that parenting is the most under-appreciated, selfless life that one can live. And I had no idea everything that meant until becoming one myself. The minute I laid eyes on my Jacob the whole world tilted in a new direction. All of my previous priorities were re-aligned in comparison to his needs.
About a week ago we had a rough patch. More acurately....about a week ago the rough patch ended and it's taken me a week to gain my strength to get back to my blog. For about 2 weeks straight the baby just cried. He would cry during the day with grandma, he would cry in the afternoon when I got home, he even started waking up during the night (something he hasn't done in more than 2 months) to cry. This is obviously an exaggeration, but to me, it seemed like all I ever heard was my baby crying. It could have been him teething (though, we've still got a toothless grin looking at us), or it could've been any number of things. All I know is that nothing made him happy. He cried when you tried to put him to sleep, he cried when you picked him up, he cried when you put him down to play, he cried if you didn't pick him up. He was not the happy baby I had known for 8 1/2 months. And I felt completely helpless. He was fed, he had a clean diaper, he had teething medicine in, he had a pacifier....everything I could do to make him comfortable and happy I had done. Yet, he still cried and cried. And so I cried. And cried.
I felt that as his parent and caregiver, I should be able to make him happy. I felt like because he was crying, I was somehow failing as his mother. I read websites and talked to my mom and there were really no answers out there. We'd tried everything. One day, I got home from work and he was happy to see me for about 10 minutes and then the crying started. We fed him, we diapered him, we bathed him, we took him outside (which works almost every single time because he absolutely loves being outside) and nothing was working. I sat on our balcony in the rocking chair while he cried uncontrollably and tried my hardest not to cry. I tried to calm myself down (babies always pick up on your energy/attitude) and just help him relax and rock back and forth. Nope. He was not having it. My mom came out and got him to give me a break and I just sat out there and cried. I listened to him crying and realized that this is the one thing that no one tells you about parenting. The absolute heartbreak you feel to see your child hurt, upset, unhappy. How often had my mom done the same thing? Walked with me as an infant, rocked with me and cried herself because I couldn't be soothed?
Part of our tears are borne of frustration, sure, but a lot of them are from the sheer desire to make everything better. At that very second I felt the deepest respect for parents out there that just stick with it; that love their child unconditionally and cry their own silent tears of frustration and helplessness. Parenting is truly a work of love. A continual process of evolution, of growth. Every day as your child grows and learns new things, you see a new side of yourself, realize some new thing and encounter an aspect of your personality you didn't know you had.
For me, I realized that I felt the need to control everything. My inability to soothe Jacob forced me to realize that there are some things I cannot fix. No matter how much effort I put in to fix it. But, you know what? It's OK. It's good for me to learn to let go. And I'm thankful that having a child has helped me grow as a person.
When you were little you always thought of adults as having it all together. They went to work and earned money and payed bills; all the things that only adults did. Now I'm realizing that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you're done growing. There are always more things to learn and more ways to grow.
My prayer is that I grow into the person God wants me to be and the person that my child can always look up to as an example. Growing pains may come, but I look to the future and the person I'm becoming.

Smiling Baby

My Jacob loves to smile. He’s such a happy baby! We had a small period of colic with him around 6 weeks, but ever since his first smile in December…

He’s had nothing but smiles for us ever since. So, I thought I’d document how much he’s changed, but that smiling face is still the same.

At the doctor’s office waiting room Dec/January


On his activity mat in February

In his playpen in March – focusing on that owl (he got it)

This is a few weeks later, still in March with his hair sticking straight up

What a great shot Joe was able to capture. Apparently he can’t get enough of those hands

His first trip to Disneyland with his Nana and he got this cute beanie!

In his carseat. I’m not sure who he’s looking at, but I’m sure they’re melting at that smile.

No, he’s not walking, yet. But, he loves to stand up and apparently I’m hilarious

And this was taken just a few days ago – demanding more cereal. But, who can deny this face?

Dogs & Babies

A lot of people have been asking me recently if Jacob is crawling yet. When I tell them that he's scooting around and basically gets wherever he wants to go, they immediately ask me how Chomps is with him.

For those of you not familiar, we have a dog named Chomps. He is a year (almost to the day) older than Jacob. We got him when he was only 3 months old and he's definitely been spoiled ever since. Even though we have Jacob now to take a lot of our time & attention, Chomps still remains one of our "babies" and is just as spoiled as ever. But, we're very lucky & blessed that he is an easy-going dog. Some of our family worried that a new baby would irritate Chomps and he would try to bite the baby, but the first minute we brought Jacob home from the hospital Chomps was there to try to lick him and wagged his tail so hard it looked like his back would break :)

So, I thought I'd capture a couple of minutes of Jacob scooting around the living room and Chomps playing with him. It's a couple of minutes long and probably only appealing to family members, but feel free to click & watch. Enjoy!

Anniversary

It's hard to believe that this Thursday will be my 4th wedding anniversary. In some ways it feels longer and in other ways it feels like it all just happened a few months ago. I think in the past year we've had so many changes and new things happen in our lives that it makes it seem like we've lived a whole other lifetime. I guess moving to a new place and having a baby all in a year will do that to you :)

This time last year we were heading to Half Moon Bay for our anniversary and I was about 5 months pregnant. While there I came down with a severe kidney infection (my doctor still thinks I had a small stone to go along with it) and ended up in the hospital for about a week. My husband still doesn't let me forget about that! :) (Like I could forget) But, I looked at Joe today and asked him, "Did you think this time last year we'd have a baby this big on our hands right now?" This said while Jacob was eating Cheerios (his newest trick) in his highchair. He is 7 1/2 months old and every time I look at him it's like he's grown another inch and gained another ounce. It goes by so quickly!

This year Joe & I are going to take it easy. Jacob will spend some time at Grandma's house (without mom & dad for the first time overnight). We'll do some outlet shopping, have a nice dinner, come home to a much too quiet house, complain about how quiet it is and tell each other how much we miss the baby and try to enjoy our time without him. It'll probably be bittersweet and we'll head to Lodi a day early to pick him up :)

But, I'm finding out that this is the life of a parent. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. For just a day, though, I'm going to spend time remembering just how much I love my husband and falling in love with him even more.

Summer Fun

Growing up we were very lucky. We never had a pool, but 2 of my best friends on the street had pools and their parents always let us swim there. I can remember being in my bathing suit at 8:00am begging my friend's mom to let us swim. It probably wasn't even 80 degrees outside, but we were determined! They called me a little fish because I loved the water so much. I still do to this day, but don't really make the time to go in the pool like I used to. Then again, I don't have summers off like I used to :)

As I got older I dreamed of sharing my love of the water with my kids. Folks, the day has arrived! I didn't get Jake signed up for swim lessons this summer because I couldn't get my own schedule figured out and now it's too late. But, I'll see if they have late summer classes and try to get in toward the end of summer. For now, this is what we'll do:

This is Jacob in his brand new floater in the first few minutes of being in the pool. The jury was still out at this point, as to whether or not he liked the water. But, he warmed up to it soon enough and was kicking his little frog legs like nobody's business.

This is Jacob getting kisses from Joe after they'd already been in the pool for about 25 minutes. He was starting to yawn so we took our party upstairs for a very long nap time. (Mommy is not complaining about that)

Once my sunburn wears off, I'll put some sunblock on (was too concentrated on getting it on Jake to remember to put some on myself) and get back out there with him. This is what summers are for!

Hot days. Cool nights. And wonderful family time in the pool.

A note of love

I started this blog on a sort of a whim and realize that it hasn't really chronicled much of my family life. It's more of a place for me to clear the thoughts rolling around in my head. I'm not complaining because people seem to like it :)

But, I thought I'd take a minute to introduce you to the Aguilar Family:

This is my husband, Joe, and our fun-loving son, Jacob

He's an incredibly happy baby. My co-worker told me that he's so happy because his parents are happy. And we are! One of the first things that made me fall in love with Joe was his ability to make me laugh. Scratch that, DIE laughing! We'll be married 4 years in 2 weeks and we're still laughing with each other.

Me, Joe and Jacob at Crissy Field, San Francisco last month

One of my best friends just had her baby girl (Brooke Lynne Payan) on Tuesday and it just got me thinking of how blessed we all are and how very thankful I am for my husband & son. Having my little munchkin changed the way I felt love and the way I loved. He's a perfect blend of both of us and I love that about him. I hope as he grows he continues to have his dad's easy-going nature and my loud laugh. (Everyone that knows me knows the laugh)

Just thinking of the future and looking forward toward all things good. Times may not always be easy and the road may get rough, but I'm so happy that I'm surrounded by my family and by love

Selfish Susan

If I’m being honest, I’m selfish. I mean, it is the essence of human nature to be self-preserving and self-serving. If you don’t agree with me, then you are in serious denial. As Christians we are taught to deny this part of ourselves. To give up self to serve Christ’s purpose. This is a struggle; at least for me it is. We want our nice things and we want them to be ours. We don’t like sharing and that reasoning doesn’t stop just because your mother teaches you that sharing is the nice thing to do.
I read a question on Facebook the other day and it was “The biggest thing to change since having my baby is…” And I have to admit that for me, it is living my life for another person. This blog is a chance for me to be honest; with myself and with other moms (and moms-to-be). Before I had a baby it was very easy to be selfish. To have my things and keep them as mine. To have my time and to spend my time in a way that makes me happy.
When you bring your little bundle of joy home from the hospital, every waking moment is centered on that baby. Actually, if I’m being honest, every single moment (awake and half-awake) is centered on that baby. While the baby is sleeping you try to sleep, but you keep listening to make sure he’s breathing. You even put your hand on his chest to make sure it is rising and falling the way it should. You monitor every diaper to make sure the output is the equal to the input. You stress about nursing. Is he getting enough? Am I doing it right? Is he sleeping too much? Is he not sleeping enough? Is he eating enough? Is he eating too much? Is that even possible? The lack of sleep and incredible sense of responsibility for this tiny life takes you over. You’re like a person possessed; or, more accurately, obsessed. You feel like if the baby doesn’t flourish, it’s a direct reflection of you and your ability (or inability) to care for it.
Eventually you realize that your baby is fine. You don’t have to check him every 30 minutes to make sure he’s breathing. He’ll eat what he needs to eat and let you know if he’s still hungry. His diapers will, most likely, be just fine (more than fine). And suddenly you’re 5 months down the road and realize that you haven’t really thought about what your hair looks like or what your clothes look like or if you’ve shaved your legs since the baby was born. And you know what? The world didn’t stop revolving. Wow! It felt nice to stop thinking about yourself. It’s actually kind of liberating.
Things will eventually balance out as the baby becomes more independent and you go back to worrying about your own hair and how your clothes look (and if you’ve shaved your legs). But, you’ll never live your life solely for yourself again. And for this selfish Susan, that is a great thing.

It's Like Magic

I think most women can relate to this one.

"Honey, have you seen my wallet?"

"Babe, where are my keys?"

"Have you seen my suit coat?"

(Insert longsuffering sigh)

God must truly have given women super powers. Because no matter what is lost in the house - we are somehow able to find it.

In my mind, I'm very organized. It doesn't always translate to the house, but mentally I like to have everything neat & tidy and in its place. Once upon a time I lived like that...not so much recently. I'm trying (not too successfully) to let it go, but inside my brain is screaming for all things to be organized and in nice little boxes with labels! As it is, there are piles of clean clothes on my dresser to be put away and shoes piling up on the floor that haven't made their way to my closet. A couple of weeks ago, my husband lost his keys. Now, I know that he's the last one to have had them and he's the one responsible. And he takes full responsibility for maintaining them and misplacing them. But, whenever anything is lost around the house I feel like it's my fault. Like somehow because I didn't put those towels away, I can't find my other black stiletto. Or because my shirts aren't in the drawer, Joe can't find his wallet.

But, these keys. We couldn't find them for 2 weeks! That is a LONG time. In the meantime we've been splitting up the car keys on my set of keys as we needed to swap cars, etc. But then this morning we couldn't find one set of my keys. And I couldn't remember exactly where they'd last been and who'd had them. (great way to start the day, in case you were all wondering) So, I go to work while Joe scours the room and house for all of the keys without success. In the back of my head while I'm working, I'm thinking of the places we went, the last time I saw them, if I put them in my purse, if they were put down in a store....finally, I concluded they must be under one of the seats in our Camry. Joe was checking the mail and then we went to Target and I bet he put them under there so they wouldn't be seen. Cut to Joe coming to work to borrow the Camry and sure enough...the keys are right under the seat! SUCCESS!!

But, we still can't find Joe's keys.

He says, "The last time I had them was coming home from your mom's house and I was sitting in the back seat."

"I bet you they are under the base of the car seat" (which is the absolute last of the last places you would look for keys, by the way)

He text me a few hours later: I found my keys

Me: LOL Where?

Joe: Where you guessed. Under the car seat.

Now, what in the world made me think they would be under there? We've been missing his keys for 2 weeks now! And today out of nowhere I throw out a spot and there they are - been there the whole time, I'm sure.

I've concluded that God knew we women would be the go-to person for all things lost and missing. So, he gave us a motherly/wifely/feminine super power to sniff out those lost things even if we weren't there when they went missing.

Can't a mom just relax?

Two days ago if you had asked me about starting a blog I would have said, "I don't think so. Not me." And then last there was last night. Joe had taken the baby to SF for the day and brought me back a little surprise! Lush is my absolute favorite spot for bath soaks, bubble bath, etc. and he had gotten me a little gift pack for being such a cool mom (later posts will probably delve into my coolness, but we'll leave that for the future). It was such a long week at work. I hadn't really been able to sleep all week. I always have trouble falling asleep and this week was the mother of all insomnia. I just couldn't shut my brain down! So, when Joe showed up with that box of goodies I jumped up and down with glee!! I decided that after the baby went to sleep mommy was going to have a little "me" time!

I had just gotten the water started and the bath meltaway melting (whatever that means) and in comes Joe.

"What's wrong with the baby?"

"Nothing."

"Good. What do you need?"

"Nothing I'm just going to brush my teeth"

Maybe I didn't tell him that I wanted "me" time, but I did tell him I was going to take a relaxing bath.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure babe, what's up?"

"Can you shut off the baby monitor?"

-pause-

"Can you hear him from in here?"

"No, but I don't want to"

(Wow...that came out sounding a lot more mean than it did in my head)

"I also don't want to hear you brushing your teeth. I'm trying to relax." (Might as well go all in since I've already started down the path!)

Queue Joe walking out, closing door behind him and muttering "Excuse me!" just loud enough for me to hear.

That got me thinking about an article I read the other day on www.babble.com. It was "16 things a mom really wants for Mother's Day. And it talked about how what a mother really wants most of the time is to be left alone. Or to have some quiet time. But, we're so afraid to ask because we don't want anyone to think that we don't care. One of the things on the list was time alone. Not just to be left alone, but still hear kids playing (screaming) in the living room and your husband making a mess in the kitchen. No. We want a night in a hotel room all alone. With a huge bathtub to soak in and absolutely no possibility of interruptions. But, if we ask to not spend time with our family, what kind of mother are we?

And this is my discovery - no one tells a mom that it's ok to take some time for herself. Everyone assumes that because you're a mother you want to live your life for someone else. Once your baby is born, your life is forever changed, it's true. And once you see that little one, you will do anything and everything to make sure they thrive in life. This includes your sleep, your time, and sometimes your sanity to make sure they are cared for. But, every once in a while we just want to stop thinking about everyone else and just think about us.

So, to all of you mother's out there - I get it. I finally get it. To all of you new mothers and soon to be mothers - it's OK. It's even healthy to want alone time, quiet time, time for yourself. If your husband won't give it to you, call a fellow mother and tell her "I just need an hour."

I'm sure she'll understand :)